I’ve stared blankly at the empty New Post page for several minutes now. I feel the need to write because it’s what calms me… but I have trouble finding the appropriate words.

In short, Xavion and I just ended our… geez, I guess you could say our almost 4 month Second Life relationship (although we were only officially partnered for a fraction of that time). I understand why… sort of. But it’s emotionally draining to me right now. I’m mostly feeling a lot of anger.

I feel as if I’ve been riding on a broken, emotional roller coaster with uncomfortable seats the last few weeks – only to get off of the ride having only enjoyed the brief anticipations of excitement and let down when the ride wasn’t so fun on the down slopes. Now that I’m off, I ache for the excitement that was once there and have the unrealistic desire to throw up in a trash can and do it all over again.

Being fair, we didn’t always have problems. Something changed somewhere and it was just never the same after that moment of change. We had such an amazing spark… one that still astounds me looking back. In fact, it’s left me puzzled as to how we got to this point. We loved each other so much… or I thought we did. Did we? I’m so confused. When you love someone, it doesn’t matter if you need to concentrate on real life for a while… love means waiting patiently and I could have done that. But that wasn’t even presented to me as an option. After the way I’d been treated in the last week with such cold and distance, it was only natural that I want to know simply if he still wanted to be with me or not. And I knew when he couldn’t simply say “yes”, it was over.

I had 90 minutes from that point to wait… to brace myself for the discussion he wanted to have but would make me wait to endure. And I knew… I’m not stupid and I knew he was breaking up with me. But I had to sit there and actually wait for him to do it.

The Cottage was picked up almost immediately and is now set for sale. I’ll never forget the day we moved into it at Kovu. I sat on that parcel all day long despite it being reserved just for us. We weren’t even officially dating then. Ugh… and I was so happy and so excited. I love that parcel so much and the memories shared there still dance in my head. Our friendship and love for one another blossomed there amongst friends. We invited everyone into our home and shared it with the Lionheart Community and everyone felt the love and warmth that absolutely irradiated from there. I can’t afford to keep it nor would I want to. It’s a painful reminder of what we had.

Jolly Farm will likely get a 4th parcel. I know.. that probably seems insane. But I practically live there anyways so I may as well have a house there too. And with me dropping The Cottage, I’ll be able to afford another parcel.

Anyways… I need to get some sleep. I’m both physically and emotionally exhausted.