This is a more serious post. I’m sorry to have to get sort of emo on my readers. I hope it’s not too much of a turn-off. I’m writing about all of this because I’m not very good at keeping promises to myself. But I am good at keeping my promises made to others. I know that by saying all of these things in public, I’ll be much more likely to hold myself accountable for my words.

I came to Second Life with a clear purpose. I wanted to make virtual products and sell them. Like most people, I got really wrapped up in the social aspect for a while, and I enjoyed that for the most part. Then I realized that I was slacking off too much and that I really needed the money I was losing out on by not working on promoting some type of business. That’s when I started Jolly Farm and it all sort of went from there.

I depended on Jolly Farm and later Kitty Cattery in order to pay bills and for support for my daughter. In addition to those business ventures I’ve been working at Lionheart Estate, earning money for selling parcels and taking land owner support calls. Luckily, I managed to make about $400 USD every month profit from these things. But no one can really live off of that kind of money – not when the majority of it needs to go to your child.

I convinced myself that I just had to work harder, longer. Because I have narcolepsy, this is really difficult to do. So I told myself I just had to plan out my day and use my time wisely. That worked well. For anyone who gets to the end of their day and can’t figure out where it went, try planning out your day hour by hour as best you can. You’ll see a huge difference and you’ll probably find where your leaks are just as I did. But anyways…

I had a very serious talk with Alia tonight. I’m so lucky to have her apart of my life and I consider her one of my closest friends – in world, as well as outside of it although we live so far apart. I’m coming to a huge fork in the road in my life and while I don’t know exactly how to drive down the right path, I know that the one I’m on isn’t working. Making a few hundred dollars a month isn’t enough and I waste a lot of my time making virtual products that I’ll make mere pocket change from each time I sell them. I don’t have the time available to me to fine tune my talents fast enough to become a major brand on Second Life. It’s a beautiful dream, but sometimes you have to remember that one can’t aspire to reach their dreams if they can’t even obtain their most basic needs.

I tried to hide from the issues. I tried to pretend and I can’t any more. And I think a part of me knew that. It’s why I knew I couldn’t spend another $38.00 to keep Kitty Cattery open for 2 more weeks. It’s why I’ve been pushing my graphic work lately within Second Life. I knew a change had to be made… I’m just having a really hard time making it happen. As much as I’d love to continue sitting around, making products for you all to enjoy, I have to focus on what’s going to earn money. Because I have disabilities, I have to work on what’s going to bring in the most income because it’s not like I can just go out and get a job.

I may take time and make some products here and there, but there will be no in-world store for a while. At least until things in my real life are sorted out. I can’t allow myself to afford it any more and I can’t allow my business partners to take that gamble when I clearly need to distance myself from Second Life business. I love Alia and Scar, but they just aren’t going to get far without me – and that’s from Alia’s own mouth.

I know that this is all a huge and sudden change from yesterday’s post. Hell, I even worked today on a product for the store we had planned. I’m sorry if anyone feels let down. I will be disabling comments for this post, because I don’t need any negativity right now. If you have something positive you’d like to say, you’re free of course to contact me in world.

I’m attaching a PayPal donation button to this post. Everyone spends a lot of money on dozens of fundraiser fairs we’ve had on Second Life this year and so I don’t really expect too many to want to give money to an individual who just needs help. But as Alia constantly reminds me, you never know until you ask. The worst any of you can do is to just look away and not donate to help. I won’t think any less of you for it. But if you can spare a little money, know that it’ll be put to good use.

I appreciate everyone who has been so supportive. It’s been a really hard year – and I’ve done a good job of hiding that dirty laundry from my public. But I feel indebted to my customers and my friends who have been there for me – even if you didn’t know it. It’s only fair in my mind that you know that I’m struggling and I’m hurting. I have a lot of changes to make and I’m scared out of my skin over it. I’m so thankful to those of you who have bought products from me or from me and my partners in the last year. Even more thankful to those of you who have contacted me with positive testimonial and lots of love. Thank you.